Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Bible Bashers!!! Bringing Armshouse To My Mum’s House!?!?

I don’t know what it is but those Watchtower/ Awake magazine people scare me to death. They’re trying to bring the “Lord’s Message” to my doorstep… by REPEATEDLY RINGING THE BELL!!! Despite the fact that I was already running late [standard] some unpressable chick also wants to read prayers and hymns to me.

In related news, I Googled Jesus and I found him…

I’ve set myself a mini-mission to be freelancing for Watchtower by the end of 2007. Just imagine a regular grime column, in the UKs Most Thrown Away Publication… bar TOUCH obviously. (Only joking, TOUCH magazine is NOT the UKs most thrown away publication. You’ve got to buy a magazine before you have the ability to throw it away. You guys aren’t in the running for that award either).

If the Editor of Watchtower is reading, I wrote this on the fly (in my limited lunchtime)…

How Gracious is Grime?
Hello my fellow bible bashers welcome to your new and regular fill of what can only be described as beloved UK grime. With the media portraying it as an unholy, no-Godly, hoodie-packed sub-genre, I decided to look into the graciousness of such grimmige.
Believe me, lovers of grime are much like lovers of our Lord. They worship this music as if it were their saviour. They flock to anywhere grime is being broadcasted/ talked about as if it were their church and they read a magazine called RWD as if it were their bible.
The music itself isn’t EXACTLY the Lord’s Prayer but if does have a sociability about it. Big baselines and electronic (computer game-influenced) inserts, underneath earthly lyrics and ‘prayers’ (of somekind), leave the listener complete and warm within.
Followers of this grime music are very relaxed and humble (when NOT listening to their music of choice). This is probably the ONLY side to grime that isn’t gracious. They often perform a dance, known to only them as ‘skanking’ or ‘skanking out’ which is FAR from graceful. Legs move in the opposite direction to arms and visa-versa… head nods, finger movements and jumping are often thrown in to, and I quote, “mix it up.” You may politely clap and sing along to hymns but this simply WON’T do in a grime rave.
So why is grime being persecuted like a certain carpenter millions of years ago? It’s simple; it’s not fully understood yet. And when something’s not understood… it’s nailed to a cross and continually pummelled with rotten fruit. I leave you with words from Peter…

“Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.” 2 Peter 3:13

CDs to get you into the genre:
Dizzee Rascal – Boy In Da Corner (the genesis of grime: “On the eighth day, he made grime”.)
Wiley – Tunnel Vision Vol.1-3 (with 4-10 commeth)
JME – Editions 1-4 (Shh Hut Yuh Muh is sacred)
True Tiger - Eye of the Tiger Volume 1 (diverse and grimy)
RinseSessions (everyone is on there, pray un to them)

Come on Watchtower you know it makes sense…

Ps – Yes, I get more and more random every week